Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
