You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
