i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Found your dick twin last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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