That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I checked into jail on foursquare
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
