He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Someone signed my nipple.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
