She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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