some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
