I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize