you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
