Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
