The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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