Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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