oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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