we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, beer. Big fan.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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