So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
