just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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