ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize