Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize