I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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