What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
