I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So vagazzling was a success
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
