Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
