i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
