i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
