I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
how drunk are you?
Several
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
