Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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