you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
