oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
