just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
