Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
