we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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