you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
