Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
