It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
