11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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