you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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