Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
