i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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