her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
