So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
