And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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