did you get engaged???
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize