Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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