We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize