Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
