official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
