what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
