I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
