She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
