girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
so much tequila, so little girl.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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