As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
