this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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