You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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