there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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