Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
