just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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