I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
