I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i out mim tonsoeep
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
