I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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