dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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