Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
