this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
