Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
