11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
