So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
