I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
