My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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