normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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