We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
