They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
