I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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