If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
