I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
