I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
COCAINE IS GR8
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
