i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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