why didn't you poke me back
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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