So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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