My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i barfeds in our rink
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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