So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
