Umm I'm too high to move.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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