from now on my penis is your penis
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
