Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
