I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Everyone says I win the strip club
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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