my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize