Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
