What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
