Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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