Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
