I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The Olympian is in my bed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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