so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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