I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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