do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
