I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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