Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
