I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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