I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
