No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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