Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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